Thursday, October 24, 2013

I am baaacckkkk!

And I didn't even realize I was gone.  I am not actually talking about this space...Who knows if I will be able to keep up this blog with any routine.  Probably not.  But, last month when I was at my Ob/Gyn yearly, I mentioned that I was kind of stressed out.  Which seemed reasonable.  A mobile baby, homeschooling, small house, ADHD, heavily nursing baby....and she asked me if I wanted some help with that.  Help in terms of medicine.  And at first, I balked, because I didn't think I was depressed, just understandably overwhelmed.  But she pointed out that it was going to be hard to do anything about it in terms of counseling, or even to really lighten my load, and she said, "You want to enjoy your children, don't you?"  And so I took the prescription, and here I am, a month later, feeling myself again....and I guess I hadn't even realized I was depressed.  Instead of just being overwhelmed by my weed covered garden, and totally ignoring it, I have been going out there and just weeding it every day, remembering that actually, I hand dug the whole thing in the first place.  I am less stressed out about the mess--my house is always going to be messy, and it matters not while I am still trying to keep it under control, I am not paralyzed by the mess, as I was before, not allowing myself to do anything because it was too messy.  I am knitting again, and getting excited about projects, and enjoying helping my children make their Halloween costumes.  I have cooked dinner three nights in a row, and it hasn't been popcorn or cheesey noodles.  I have been baking our bread, and making stock, and just doing all the things that I used to like to do.  And I have been enjoying my children, which is pretty great.