Oh Dear

Well, we spent two weeks up north, one at a Lake Sunapee in New Hampshire and one in Hingham, MA, the town where I grew up and where my parents still live.  It was a perfect climax to summer, swimming every day, going to the beach or pool, lots of ice cream, lots of playing, lots of reading.  Elsa really and truly learned how to swim, jumping off the diving board at my parents' neighbors' pool, and swimming all the way to the shallow end unassisted.  David was able to paddle around in his life preserver, then he actually figured out how to kind of dog paddle without it. 

Then we came back, and slam, Elsa is now a first grader at Black Mountain Primary.  She likes it, I am heartbroken.  It's a combination of not being ready for this lovely summer to be over, not liking the school, and not wanting to send her off for most of her waking life.  I have lots of complaints about the school--not enough recess, a discipline system that focuses on plastic toy rewards, too may sugary snacks, drizzle causing indoor recess where the kids watched a television program (that one is the worst)...I am going to look at the Montessori school tomorrow, which is in Asheville, and not a perfect option, and Elsa is very much against it. 

I am not too into it either, really.   It feels like all this neat stuff that we did is basically over.  School starts at 8:00, and is over at 2:30, but we are not out of there until at 3:00 (signing her out as a walker is ridiculously time consuming).  Then we walk back to the car, which I park near a church with a big field, and the kids run around for a while, and we don't get back until 4:00.  (Owing to the very short recess, I feel like this running around time is completely critical.)  Elsa and David play outside a little, and take care of the rabbits, but before we know it it is time for dinner and the race for bedtime.  I want to have plenty of time to read to them, so we try to start early...but that is it.

No time to take nature walks and set up the Nature Table.  No time to take her with me to the library.  No time to collect poke berries and attempt to make dyes and paints with them.  No time to go apple picking.  No time for her chores, really.  No time to have her help me put up the harvest (such as it is this year), and activity she loves.  No time to do all the Christmas crafting that we have done before.  Not enough time for her to run and use her body the way she has been accustomed. 

And I know, I am going to have a baby.  I know that school is what kids do.  I know that Jesse and I went to public school (I would argue both that it is different now and that I was affected somewhat negatively by it).   I know that people who love me don't think homeschooling is a good option.

Sigh

I have some pictures to post.  I have some nice, summery things to write about.  I have some peaches that I need to preserve.  I have pesto that I need to freeze.  I have children who I just told to take a bath, in the bath all by themselves, while I am sitting on the couch on a lovely summer night.  I have a garden that needs to be tended.  Right now, although I am so happy about this third baby, I am feeling so happy that I will not be pregnant in the summer ever again.  I just can't make it until the end of the day without collapsing, whether or not I lie down in the middle of the day or not.   Remember future baby craving self, it is hard work to be pregnant.  Your children are sufficient.

Internet time

I have read several posts about how mamas worry about time spent on the Internet.  I have the same worry...I feel like I spend too much time here, cruising around, reading other people's blogs, working on this one, and just being on Facebook.  And I do think I could be more productive if I spent less time here.  On the other hand, I think it is somewhat symptomatic of the fact that the way our culture is now, raising small children at home is wonderful, fulfilling, important, and a bit lonely.  I have been reading Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes.  Well, sort of...I have been skimming it.  It is good, but maybe trying to be more scholarly than I appreciate at this juncture in my life.  There is a bit too much review of different feminist theories, of which I grow tired.  But anyway, she does talk about how pre-industrialized families were all at home, doing the work to keep food on the table together.  Although the men and women had their own discrete tasks, they were all home-centered, and also, we were not so spread apart.  Here I am, in WNC, with my wonderful parents in Boston.  (And I am lucky because they make such an effort to visit us.)  And I live in a wonderful, friendly neighborhood.  Still, much of my time with my children is me, alone, doing the tasks of the household, doing stuff with the kids, alone.  And getting on Facebook or reading someone's blog for ten minutes when I am feeling tired feels like a way to connect.  I don't necessarily think it's the best way to connect, but sometimes that is all there is.  And I find that the best ways for me to recharge are not about going out and having a break, but hanging out somewhere, preferably pretty, with my children and other mamas.  Occasionally (very occasionally) we have gotten together and made food for supper while the kids play...but that is hard to organize.  I keep wanting to have a preserving party...but anyway, the fact of the matter is that the culture is slightly isolating, and although the Internet is a poor substitute for face to face interaction, sometimes that is what is available, and has to be what does it for us. 

Homeschool or School....

We made volcanoes and oobleck the other day.  It was lots of fun.  And can you see the broken tree swing in the background?  Elsa can climb halfway up on the rope, and they spend lots of time pretending that it is a ship or a spaceship.

I am being incredibly indecisive about how to school Elsa--I was about to say next year when I realized that actually it's more like in a month.  Yes, school here starts ridiculously and heartbreakingly early, on August 16th.  I am so not ready to send her off to school, all day (I know, it's only until 2:30, but apparently they get homework, and the child is only awake for 13 hours at most, so that is half of her waking life.)  I signed her up for school on Tuesday.  Everybody I talk to says it is an absolutely lovely little school.  Many of my friends have children who go there, and are very happy with it.  And Elsa is so curious about what big, all day school is like, and really wants to go, and I am going to have a baby, via c-section, and probably have trouble getting my milk in, and be unwilling to supplement with formula, and it may be a little rough in the beginning.  I have only one friend, who is a new friend, who I reached out to because she homeschools, homeschools, and I feel bad about the amount of agonizing I am doing when my friends all send their kids to the public school.   But I am seriously balking.  It is four o'clock in the morning, now, and I can't sleep because I am so anxious about the whole thing.  I am definitely spoiling the present with worries about the future.  I think I am just resisting change.  I like having my children home.   I am not at all ready to send them back.  I want to have a hand in her education--I want to watch her learn.  Also, I am feeling resentful about how many restrictions there are (not exactly resentful--I do understand that schools must have rules--I just don't want to have to follow them--really, I am not a sociopath, though).  We are planning a trip to the beach in the fall, which is the only time when Jesse can get off, and that will take care of half of the absences Elsa will be allowed.  I don't want to do homework with her, and I do think it is stupid for kindergarteners and first graders to have homework. 

I also love how great my kids are at entertaining themselves.  We have a lot of down time at the Quam household, and the kids are really good at playing by themselves.  They come up with  their own ideas and do stuff.  I sometimes worry that the structure and stimulation of school will make them need that in their down time.  I don't want them to lose that ability to entertain...to just play outside by themselves on our broken swing.  I wish that school wasn't so all or nothing...that we could send her somewhere three times a week, and take care of the rest ourselves.  I think that might be the case with the co-ops.  I am just not sure.

People seem to be beginning to read this.  Does anyone homeschool?  How did you get up your courage to do it?  Or how did you decide not to? 

This Moment

My parents were here.  It was great.  They love music and my children love music. 

Kerplink, kerplank, kerplunk...

Really, not a very original title, but we went blueberry picking today, thank goodness.  It feels very important that we get that in each summer....I am also hoping to pick up another bushel of peaches to can...and that our green beans come in enought to freeze some.  I tried to be uncommitted to putting a bunch of stuff up this summer, but I failed. 

It was lots of fun.  We actually carpooled with another family (and the other mama drove, which was fabulous) so the drive was fun, although the last part of it was on windy mountain roads, and David puked when we got there.  We were very proud that he managed to wait until he was out of the car, poor little boy.  It took him a little bit to feel better, and he wasn't interested in picking this time, but I think he had fun anyway.  It was super hot...and I had to remind myself to stop picking when I didn't feel good, being, you know, pregnant.  Luckily, Elsa is a champion picker, so we got almost a gallon of blueberries. 

We went to Long Branch Environmental Education Center, which is kind of located in Sandy Mush...I don't actually know what Sandy Mush is--a town, an area?  It is pretty much a hippie place, with a composting toilet, encouragement to pee outside, lots of compost and lots of blueberries.  Last year, people reported that there were copperheads there, so we didn't go, which was foolish, as there are apparently copperheads everywhere here.  This is hard for me to get used to, coming from the north.  I did make my children where closed toed shoes.  Elsa chose her rainboots.  David chose his "hiking boots" (snow boots).  Their feet got hot, and we saw no copperheads.  I never want to make my children feel too paranoid about the world, but I did try to remind them to look where they were stepping, and tried to remember it myself.  They did not seem too frightened, so I think I was just teaching them skills for living in the South. 

After picking (we got more than what we had in the above picture, my competitive ego wants everyone to know), we played in the creek.

But, the real hit of the day was this play structure.  David asked if we could come back tomorrow, because he really wanted to play some more on it.  (Even though it was an hour drive which made him throw up.)

Adventures in Chicken Wrangling...

The chickens were out again today.  This time it was because I realized there was a wasps' nest in one of their nesting boxes in the coop/ark.  I realized it because I got stung while attempting to move the ark.  So, we needed to get rid of the wasps' nest right away, by, yes, spraying poison...I don't know how else to do it.  So, anyway, we let the chickens out.  Luckily, my mom was still here, and did spraying duty.  I am not afraid to get stung, but I feel pretty certain that poison exposure would not be the best thing for me or baby at 26 weeks pregnant.  (Incidentally, I thought that maybe being pregnant would sort of slow time down for me again, like it did for the two previous pregnancies, but that is not at all the case...how am I almost done with my second trimester?  I can feel little man wiggling around in there like crazy, which is a feeling I will miss, I know.)  So, out they went, and had another very, very fun day, hanging out under our ornamental kiwi tree, making various attempts at my garden (I am going to have to figure that one out).  At one point they all began clucking so loud that I thought maybe someone had laid an egg (that's how the neighbors' chickens sound when they lay eggs).  But it is too early for that.  I think maybe they saw an enormous beetle, which was intriguing but frightening for them.  Anyway, although we did not leave for any long expeditions, we did do a few errands--to the Primary School to get Elsa signed up for first grade (I am still kind of balking--I also signed her up for a homeschool program at a farm in Fairview), a few groceries, and ice cream.  So, I am adjusting to the fact that my little baby chickens are going to have to roam the yard, and will be fine.  Seems like there is a metaphor there, as I am also totally freaked out about all day school for my little girl.
But come dusk, it was pretty crazy around here.  Chickens are fun to watch, full of personality, great pets, and, umm, dumb.  They wanted in the ark, but could not figure out how the hell to get in there.  They kept racing around, and pecking at the chicken wire, ignoring the two open doors.  I tried picking up the whole thing to let them in, but that  freaked them out and away they would run.  Finally, Elsa, who should have been in bed, but instead was catching fireflies as I didn't want it to get too dark and have the chickens out in the yard, managed to pick three of them up, handed them to me, and I shoved them in.  Goneril figured it out on her own this time.  I am hoping this issue will also work itself out, because I am not sure that I will be up for chasing them around the yard for the rest of my chicken keeping existence.  Also, how awesome is it that my six year old is a better chicken wrangler than I am?