Htomeschool clarity

For the past year, I have been trying to decide whether or not to homeschool my children.  The idea speaks to my heart, but I have had some doubts.  Can I really provide as much as a school?  What about social times?  Am I being too over-protective?  Will they be too soft for the world if I keep them home to learn?  Also, I am pretty disorganized, and I have trouble keeping hte house clean.  We have no family around for respite time--I do need some time to myself to run and just be.  And there are some great schools in the area.

Both my kids are in a wonderful, small Montessori pre-school/kindergarten.  David, who is three, is able to be in the same classroom with his big sister, Elsa, who is five and in kindergarten(although only half day.)  This year, Elsa has not really wanted to go as much.  Anyway, today they had music and the parents were invited to come in and watch and then watch one "work."  Montessori is set up so that children can choose various works that they can do independently or in partners.  David chose a work, and I hung out with him for a while, watching Elsa out of the corner of my eye.  She wanted to do a work with a friend, but every child she asked didn't want to work with her. This is normal of course, and while not malicious, I could tell Elsa was feeling rejected.   I could see her getting more and more upset, and finally she came to me and started to cry about it.  I know that if I hadn't been there, she wouldn't have cried, but I also know she would have felt sad and lonely.

While I know that all of this is normal, and I know that it is not that the other children don't like Elsa, I remember things like that happening and feeling like nobody liked me.  As I went round and round about it, I suddenly realized that, while I loved playing with other children individually or in small groups, it was very hard for me to negotiate larger groups in school.  I felt shy and insecure there, as I think a lot of kids do.  And I had a moment of clarity--while I don't think that those painful feelings did me any lasting harm, they did not benefit me either.  And I don't think that my children will benefit from them either.  I know that I will need to provide a lot of social times for them, but they just learning to negotiate the world of children in large groups where kids are left out and status driven is not going to help them in the adult world. 

So, I am going to do it.  I am going to homeschool my children next year.  They will have lessons and playdates and we will figure it out from there.  I am excited.