Just Do It

So, I am not the most organized person in the world. I often feel totally overwhelmed with all the tasks involved with raising two small children, and living the way I want to.  And yet I do want to take on more.  I want to live a deliberate, handmade life. I want to get chickens.  I want to expand the garden and preserve more of it.  I want to make our own cheese and yogurt.   At this stage, I feel fairly overwhelmed with what I have to do--particularly taking care of the house and laundry.  But I think about what I do do, which is not a ton, but better than last year--I bake all of our bread, I have canned and frozen quite a bit of food from the garden, we used cloth diapers pretty much exclusively until Dumpling was finally trained.  And how did I do it?  I just did it.  I decided not to ever, ever buy bread, and so I had to make it.  And now it is a habit.  How did I get the food canned?  I gathered it, and then I had to preserve it.  I just bought a bushel of apples from Hickory Nut Gap Farm, and so now I have to deal with them.  I refused to buy the kids Halloween costumes, and, wanting them to have costumes, had to help them make them.  I just have to plunge in, to go ahead and expand the garden, order the chicks, buy the supplies to make the chicken coop.  Then I am stuck and I have to do it.  Oh, and I wanted to have a blog but don't know how to take pictures or ever want anyone to read it?  Just get one and figure it out.  So, while I wouldn't buy Nike products, I suppose I will use their slogan.  I just have to do it, and figure it out as I go along.

Zebra Horse, First Frost and Lookout

Zebra horse is a bird.  A flamingo actually.  He cannot fly, and likes to talk on the phone to both of my children.  Whenever they are playing with the phone, they say very seriously that they have to talk to Zebrahorse(I have not yet decided how it should be spaced.)  He showed up at least a year ago, originally, he was Dumpling's creation, but Pea has definitely hopped right on that one.  He sleeps next to Dumpling, who sleeps between Jesse and me.  When he visists.  Sometimes he lives in Myrtle Beach.  Sometimes he lives in the shed.  Dumpling was telling us a lot about him this morning, which was so much fun.  I hope they never forget him.  I hope I never forget him.

Oh, and sadly, we had our first frost last night.  I don't know why I was surprised, because this is the weekend when it happens every single year here.  I thought I would be happy, because I really needed to clean out the garden and pull out these enormously long pumpkin vines that had spread out everywhere, but I found myself near tears as I did so.  All of those baby pumpkins--I planted this fabulous French pumpkin that sent huge roots down every foot or so, and had about five babies on it. (I know really good gardeners would be horrified--I am pretty sure you are supposed to limit the babies, especially in October, but I couldn't do it.)   Apparently, it needs to go in in April.  Next year, next year. 

And, more fun, my brother is here.  My children are finally at an age when they totally love him, and really just want to play with him.  I do notice him getting into these complicated stories that are way over their heads from Greek mythology or something, which I find myself doing with them too.   Yesterday, Pea noticed the King Arthur flour, and asked about it, and suddenly I was talking about the Roman Empire and fielding confused but totally intrigued questions about empires, and armies, and the Dark Ages, and then I just wanted to take a nap. And I couldn't quite remember the whole story, especially as most of my knowledge comes from Rosemary Sutcliffe.  He was telling the something about Hercules, and they started asking him all about the monster, and why the monster was mean, and why Hercules had to kill the monster.  It must be a familial thing.

But he and I went up Lookout Mountain, this totally short but straight uphill hike near here. 

On eating locally

This week I decided not to do a big shop, which means that I have been hitting my pantry, freezer, "root cellar" (rapidly dwindling basket of butternut squash and pumpkins) pretty hard. I will be quite pleased if my frozen food makes it to winter, let alone through the winter... And, while it is only October 20th, I guess I may as well use it now than go to the store.  And we do have stuff growing still, although my fall garden is somewhat pathetic, mostly because my summer garden stayed around for so long.  I still have some tomatoes, getting ripe at an alarmingly slow rate.  And then there are some pumpkins still ripening down there--and I can't bring myself to get rid of the baby pumpkins, even though I know a frost is a coming...This is the first year that the vines haven't been chewed up by bugs by the beginning of September.  I planted butternuts, winter luxury, and some kind from France that looks fantastic but take forever to get ripe and need to be planted in May..or maybe even April next year...Anyway, I do have some kale and maybe some broccoli and cauliflower if they survive whatever is eating it.  Oh, and some lettuce, which nobody but me eats.   But the point is, despite my biggest garden ever, and my most concentrated efforts, I am not going to have nearly enough to last through the winter.  Which is fine.  It's definitely my best yet.  And while, much to my darling husband's chagrin, I have big plans to expand the garden again next year, the fact remains that I am not going ot be able to grow enough for the winter.  Next year, if I want to eat locally,  and have a bunch of cans of tomato sauce and frozen green beans to use when I am in a hurry, I am going to have to suck it up and buy a bunch from Tailgate and preserve it. 

And it has been kind of fun.  We made wheat thins today, and Pea, who at five, feels she knows all there is to know about baking, made some nearly inedible cookies (which Dumpling loved, so hey.) And I busted out one of the jars of peaches that Pea and I canned this summer.   The thing is that Dumpling refused to touch the peaches, (and the roasted butternut squash, and green beans, and crispy kale...)  Basically, the boy will eat broccoli and any kind of berry.  Oh, he may eat some of the pear and apple sauce we made which did involve quite a bit of extra sugar.  Sometimes I let it go, and sometimes, in a panic lest my baby get scurvy from eating absolutely no procuce, I buy strawberries in October and Broccoli in July.  I don't quite know how to handle it...how hardcore locavore I feel compelled to be.  I suppose I could devote my whole garden to broccoli and freeze a bunch, but to be honest, I would be happy if I never had to eat another bite of broccoli again.  I have overdosed.

In other notes, my strawberries have gone completely crazy.  We planted them this spring, back when the kids weren't all done with gardening--I think I planted thirty of them in one bed.  I dutifully pinched off all the blossoms, so they would get strong and have a big harvest next year.  And now, they have spread--filling a whole other bed, and reaching for more.  There is a big mat of them, and I have kind of ignored them, so they are all weedy, and difficult to weed because I keep pulling them up.  Which really isn't so bad, considering how many I have, but I still find that excruciating.

And, I am almost finished with Pea's sweater, which I have been knitting since March.  It's very exciting except that I made the sleeves too short, and it may be a little small.  And itchy.  And Dumpling keeps insisting that it is his sweater.  Which means I have to knit another one.  Which will take me forever.  Like until next year.  Oh well.

Halloween and other makings

My mom didn't sew, but she did always insist that we make our own costumes.  This sometimes meant that I wore a paper bag mask over my head, and then went home after one house totally terrified. Sometimes it involved dyeing a pillowcase green and making a Peter Pan costume.  And sometimes it involved searches at the thrift store and making a hoop skirt out of a hula hoop.   But it was fun, and I want to do the same for my own kids.  Tomorrow, we need to start Pea's bird costume (thank God she is off being a fairy--no clue how to proceed) and Dumpling's pirate costume.  We will be relying on a lot of pillowcase, dye, play silks (that we dyed this summer) and maybe a little sewing.  Which is exciting but I am realizing that suddenly the craft season is upon us.

 I have started a knitted hippo for Pea, in what I thought was plenty of time but am realizing that it is perhaps not, as clearly I also have to knit Dumpling some kind of critter, and I am not the fastest knitter on the planet.  Also, I would like to finish the endless sweater that I started knitting Pea in March, before she outgrows it or the weather turns from sweater needing to ski jacket needing and I will be SOL.  And Dumpling is insisting that Elsa's pink, tiny tea leaves sweater is actually his, so I need to get some garment, hopefully using extremely chunky yarn, for him on the needles.  Also, I have all sorts of ideas ranging around in my head (generally gleaned from the internet, not my own creative head.) I want to make some Thanksgiving decorations... And then there is the Christmas makings for other people, which I would like to involve the kids in.  Last year I embroidered Pea's drawings on cloth napkins for Grammy, and Pea was more excited to see Grammy open that present than she was to open any of her own presents.   And I need to make something from the tons of pears that we picked from an abandoned house's tree....Yikes...and put the garden to bed...and buy some pumpkins and get some more apples, and fall is really busy...

Bribery

I suddenly realized that I have a three year old who not only is still nursing, but also was in diapers.  So, we offered pee-pee treats for peeing in the potty, and kapow, Dumpling is potty trained.  Philosophically, I am opposed to rewards, but my heavens, they sure do work sometimes.

Ridiclious

Is it wrong?  I love their mispronunciations.  I love it.  I called flowers samus far longer than Elsa did, hoping to keep her saying until she was at least fourteen.  I dread the end of lellow.  And, while waiting for Grammy and Grandpa to show up at the beach, Jesse and I were having fun assuring the children that they were on motorcycles.  And David said, "Mommy, that's ridiclious."  It's delicious, and I am desperate for more.  How can I make him say it again without saying it myself, so he doesn't suddenly get the hang of the word?  Because then it will be gone.

Htomeschool clarity

For the past year, I have been trying to decide whether or not to homeschool my children.  The idea speaks to my heart, but I have had some doubts.  Can I really provide as much as a school?  What about social times?  Am I being too over-protective?  Will they be too soft for the world if I keep them home to learn?  Also, I am pretty disorganized, and I have trouble keeping hte house clean.  We have no family around for respite time--I do need some time to myself to run and just be.  And there are some great schools in the area.

Both my kids are in a wonderful, small Montessori pre-school/kindergarten.  David, who is three, is able to be in the same classroom with his big sister, Elsa, who is five and in kindergarten(although only half day.)  This year, Elsa has not really wanted to go as much.  Anyway, today they had music and the parents were invited to come in and watch and then watch one "work."  Montessori is set up so that children can choose various works that they can do independently or in partners.  David chose a work, and I hung out with him for a while, watching Elsa out of the corner of my eye.  She wanted to do a work with a friend, but every child she asked didn't want to work with her. This is normal of course, and while not malicious, I could tell Elsa was feeling rejected.   I could see her getting more and more upset, and finally she came to me and started to cry about it.  I know that if I hadn't been there, she wouldn't have cried, but I also know she would have felt sad and lonely.

While I know that all of this is normal, and I know that it is not that the other children don't like Elsa, I remember things like that happening and feeling like nobody liked me.  As I went round and round about it, I suddenly realized that, while I loved playing with other children individually or in small groups, it was very hard for me to negotiate larger groups in school.  I felt shy and insecure there, as I think a lot of kids do.  And I had a moment of clarity--while I don't think that those painful feelings did me any lasting harm, they did not benefit me either.  And I don't think that my children will benefit from them either.  I know that I will need to provide a lot of social times for them, but they just learning to negotiate the world of children in large groups where kids are left out and status driven is not going to help them in the adult world. 

So, I am going to do it.  I am going to homeschool my children next year.  They will have lessons and playdates and we will figure it out from there.  I am excited.