Alfie Kohn

I have figured out why I like Alfie Kohn so much.  He wrote Unconditional Parenting, and does not believe in rewards or consequences so much.  I particularly agree with him about rewards-philosophically because I think children should learn to do the right thing because it is the right thing.  Also, I can't get it together to provide reward charts or anything like that.  Elsa's violin teacher is always suggesting ways to help me get Elsa to practice, like putting stickers on her practice chart, or playing some kind of Jeopardy game where she gets things put in a jar for every good thing she does while practicing and then when the jar is full gets some kind of prize.  The thing is, it is not that Elsa is that reluctant to practice, it's that I have a hard time finding the time to sit down with her and conduct a practice session, which is very much required of the Suzuki parent.  I can't just tell Elsa to practice, I must sit with her, refrain from getting irritated when she fools around (I wouldn't mind, but there are certain things she is supposed to do each session, and I want to get it over with as quickly as possible before she gets tired) and remind her of all the things she is supposed  to do.  She actually likes to practice, once she gets started, she just doesn't want to stop whatever else she is doing to practice.   I have to admit that I am glad that this is the last lesson before the summer.  I can just tell her teacher thinks I am the worst mother.  I often don't have a pencil, by four o'clock in the afternoon Elsa is usually in some outlandish outfit that is maybe a little dirty, and her hair is not looking too neat.  Long ago I lost the folder she gave to me, and I certainly can't get it together to go out and xerox the practice sheets like she wants me to, or buy moleskin for her bow. 

I want to say to her, look, my children love to read, play outside, and know a lot about the garden.  I may not be great about the details, but they are happy and loved and okay.  But, I know that I am going about it in the right way, and if her judgement sits squarely on me, I can take it.  She doesn't get irritated with Elsa.