Homeschool or School....

We made volcanoes and oobleck the other day.  It was lots of fun.  And can you see the broken tree swing in the background?  Elsa can climb halfway up on the rope, and they spend lots of time pretending that it is a ship or a spaceship.

I am being incredibly indecisive about how to school Elsa--I was about to say next year when I realized that actually it's more like in a month.  Yes, school here starts ridiculously and heartbreakingly early, on August 16th.  I am so not ready to send her off to school, all day (I know, it's only until 2:30, but apparently they get homework, and the child is only awake for 13 hours at most, so that is half of her waking life.)  I signed her up for school on Tuesday.  Everybody I talk to says it is an absolutely lovely little school.  Many of my friends have children who go there, and are very happy with it.  And Elsa is so curious about what big, all day school is like, and really wants to go, and I am going to have a baby, via c-section, and probably have trouble getting my milk in, and be unwilling to supplement with formula, and it may be a little rough in the beginning.  I have only one friend, who is a new friend, who I reached out to because she homeschools, homeschools, and I feel bad about the amount of agonizing I am doing when my friends all send their kids to the public school.   But I am seriously balking.  It is four o'clock in the morning, now, and I can't sleep because I am so anxious about the whole thing.  I am definitely spoiling the present with worries about the future.  I think I am just resisting change.  I like having my children home.   I am not at all ready to send them back.  I want to have a hand in her education--I want to watch her learn.  Also, I am feeling resentful about how many restrictions there are (not exactly resentful--I do understand that schools must have rules--I just don't want to have to follow them--really, I am not a sociopath, though).  We are planning a trip to the beach in the fall, which is the only time when Jesse can get off, and that will take care of half of the absences Elsa will be allowed.  I don't want to do homework with her, and I do think it is stupid for kindergarteners and first graders to have homework. 

I also love how great my kids are at entertaining themselves.  We have a lot of down time at the Quam household, and the kids are really good at playing by themselves.  They come up with  their own ideas and do stuff.  I sometimes worry that the structure and stimulation of school will make them need that in their down time.  I don't want them to lose that ability to entertain...to just play outside by themselves on our broken swing.  I wish that school wasn't so all or nothing...that we could send her somewhere three times a week, and take care of the rest ourselves.  I think that might be the case with the co-ops.  I am just not sure.

People seem to be beginning to read this.  Does anyone homeschool?  How did you get up your courage to do it?  Or how did you decide not to?