Scenes from the Week

It was a good week full of outside time, meals, cooking, everything outside.  We went to the River Trail at Warren Wilson for Woodsy Wednesday. This is one of our favorite spots-we take a short hike, and there is this little beachy area not far at all where the kids can play.  In the summer we went quite a bit with a picnic and bathing suits and towels.  Since it was March, I didn't bother with that, but  it was so warm that the kids ended up stripping down to their underwear and wading in.  I sat on the sand.  The hike was fun too--we ran into lots of people with dogs--Elsa has completely overcome her fear of dogs.

We made strawberry shortcake for dessert night.  Elsa was in charge of chopping the strawberries.  She did a very neat job, even though she was dying to run off to play with the little neigbor girl and David.  I ordered cream from the raw milk cooperative where we got our milk--I thought the kids and I could whip it by putting it into a Mason jar and shaking it, but it was already thicker than whipped cream.  And I made some biscuits.  It was a huge hit.

Above is Elsa watering her tulips.  I know, I know, they don't need to be watered, but Elsa has fun caring for her garden.  She is very pleased with her flower garden, and often mentions how helpful it is for my garden, because it attracts good bugs.  (And, indeed it does!)

Below, as you can see, the chicks are getting big really fast.  IThey are already a lot bigger.  I am wishing I had gotten maybe one more--they had Australorps at the greenhouse where we got them, and I love the idea of having a bit of everything.  But, there is time for all things, or at least, I hope.  We can get a few more next spring if we want to.  (Remain calm....)  Elsa has been super helpful--she can clean out their water and food (they tend to make a big fuss and kick bedding into it all the time), and check their bottoms for paste, and just generally check them for well being. 

Library day and books everywhere.  He loves stories as much as his sister, and is actually more content to just sit and look at them.  David has been seeming so grown up lately-his attention span is increasing, he is more willing to walk instead of being carried, and is wanting more to play with other children.

Elsa and I painted rocks--I made some strawberry signs to go around the various strawberry patches in the garden, and she made a tulip one and some other just fun rock paintings.  The computer is there because we were listening to a Sparkle Story. 

The strawberry plants are blooming. I put in thirty June-bearing plants last spring, and dutifully pinched off all of the blossoms. They have spread, and I must have at least sixty plants now, so I am hoping for a really big strawberry harvest. The kids each have their own small batch of ever-bearing strawberries in their gardens, and their strawberries almost never get ripe, they are eaten so quickly.

The kids are playing camping here.  They played this game practically all day--eventually getting the tarps that we use for the chicken coop until we paint it (important project coming up!)  and making "tents."  I can't believe we haven't taken them camping yet.  Shocking.

Our nature table.  Elsa declared we needed more color, as it is no longer early spring, but spring.  And she is right.  She made the daffodil fairy and the daffodil baby inside a felted egg.  (We wet felted around some plastic eggs for their Easter baskets.)  In the background is a bowl of dirt and ashes, for Lent, which I put up this week too.  We are doing the short version of Lent here.  This Sunday I am planning to have them plant grass seed in it and hopefully it will grow green in time for Easter.

I am feeling a little better, and we have done a little more this week, which is enheartening.  I am still tired and have to rest a lot, but the children are getting better at playing on their own, and we are having a good enough time.  Meals and rhythms are not what they were, but we are getting there.  I am almost through the first trimester, which is exciting....

Oh, just other random notes--my wonderful neighbor tilled the garden for us.  I have been digging beds and have planted peas, broccoli and kale.  Hopefully tomorrow I can get the potatoes in...Things are indeed clicking along.

Uncle Luke!

My brother Luke was in town the weekend.  Luke lives in NYC, and makes a point to come visit three or four times a year, as well as always coming up to Boston when the kids and I are there visiting my parents.  Just to be clear, I am totally aware of what a blessing he is.  My children love him--he has a perfect combination of gentleness, fun, and high expectations.  When I came out on Friday night after putting David to bed, I found him doing the dishes and Elsa cheerfully sweeping the floor.  He read to them and told them stories endlessly, and was totally content to just walk around Black Mountain, watching the children climb a flowering tree and buying us all ice cream.  He was patient with the pace of a pregnant mama with two small children, and seemed to enjoy all of our company.  Today we went for a run (okay, mostly walk/shuffle) and it was fun.  The last hour and a half of his visit found Elsa cuddled in his lap, listening to him read and tell stories.  She wept hard when he left (and tried to take his bags so he couldn't leave.) 

They grow up so fast....

Chicks, that is  These are actually pictures from last week, for my mom.  My camera is out of batteries.  Now they have sptrouted little tail feathers, and their wing feathers are coming in, and we find the Rhode Island Red (named Rhoda by Elsa) perched on their water.  And consequently, we find poop in their water.  They are prolific poopers for sure.  But it sure is fun!

Equinox

When I told the kids the Equinox was today (I mean, the day of the Equinox, not today...you know) Elsa immediately piped up, and asked if we were going to have a fire.  So, that was the plan...it's nice that they are getting the rhythm of the light changing.  I bought some natural marshmellows--not that I am against the non-natural kind, I just saw the other kind.  We invited some friends over and procured wood.  But, just like Winter Solstice, it was dumping down rain.  So, we got out all of the candles and lit them for our simple dinner of tomato soup and cheese toast, and talked about it a bit, to welcome the longer days.  We have been noticing the later light.  I have been uninspired lately with our seasonal celebrations, maybe something to do with my not feeling so great with this early pregnancy (sorry to complain so much, but it has been frustrating, also, I want to remember how uncomfortable this part is, as I tend to forget, and this is the Last Baby), but I am also seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Luckily, the kids have expectations now, which makes it easier to figure out what to do...

Oh, and my very kind neighbor saw me out in the garden, forking up the soil, and offered to till it for me.  I have not been able to get into the garden that much yet, although I did finally plant the peas.  I didn't do much in terms of soil prep, planting them in sort of leaf mold, but hopefully they will go. My neighbor is eighty, but like my dad, you would probably guess sixty.  I totally took him up on it, and as soon as the soil dries out, he said he would do it for me.  Great neighborhood, and a big relief.  I don't really like using motorized tools--last year I dug the whole garden by hand. 

Funny...

Today, we ran into our neighbors, walking their dogs on the trail we had chosen for "Woodsy Wednesday."  We were chatting, and their little, very cute and energetic terrier was charging all around, while I held a three year old (not mine) who is afraid of dogs on my hip (she is so much lighter than David.)  David was having fun, but he came up to me, and said, full voiced, "Mommy, Rusty is so stupid."  Rusty is, by the way, the dog, and I swear, he has never heard that from us before.  And, I just laughed.  My neighbor laughed too.   I mean, it was funny....I did talk to him about it a little later, and he claimed he did not mean it.  Stupid and shut up are very taboo words around here, and David is totally fascinated with them.  The other day he woke up in a foul mood.  "Stupid," he muttered, "Shut-up" to no-one in particular. I tried hard, and not terribly successfully, not to laugh.  Then I fed him breakfast and he was better.

Baby Chicks Are Here (at our house!)

Sorry, not much of a photographer.  Also, Elsa desperately wants to take pictures, and as I went through these pictures, I realized why the lens was so smudgy-there was a little picture of a hand right over the lens cap.

And I am possibly the most neurotic baby chick mama imaginable. (Elsa has explained to me over and over that actually, we don't have to call them baby chicks, but they are such babies...) We have our four (a Rhode Island Red, a Buff Orpington--apparently not the best layers, but the cutest classic yellow fluffy chicks, and two Silver Laced Wyandottes), and they are tucked away in our upstairs bathroom.  Today I noticed that my quads are actually a little sore, from rushing up and down the stairs constantly to check on them.  Constantly.  I obsess over whether they are too warm or too cold, whether their cage is clean enough, whether they have pasty butt, whether their water has been pooped in...and whether Elsa has crept up there to yet again cuddle their little bodies and attempt to sing them to sleep.  There have been some battles, as apparently I wasn't clear enough when I told Elsa that we weren't going to hold them a whole lot at first because it wasn't good for them.  By this I meant once or twice a day.  She feels, fairly strongly, however, that waiting fifteen minutes between chick cuddles definitely counts for not holding them a lot.  And I must say, I totally get her.  I find myself itching to hold their little fluffy bodies, except that it is quite clear that they are not remotely interested in being held. 

The other night, Elsa came rushing down, flushed and rosy with bright eyes, to tell me how she had had to round up the chicks because someone (hmmm, I wonder who...) had left the cage door open and they had escaped and were peeping wildly all over the bathroom.  Apparently, she had rescued one from the toilet seat.  I am so thankful the seat was down....which is another thing I neurotically check for now.  She managed to do it all by herself.  Jesse was up there, but she didn't want to tell him, she said, because she didn't want to scare him.  Which gave me an unrealistic visual of Jesse, standing on the bed, shrieking.  But man was she proud, and competent feeling, and I think this is what it is all about.  (Well, also, really cute chicks and eggs will be cool, too.)  It has been fun to watch David, too, who takes his cue from Elsa, "It's okay, it's okay, little chickies...you are so cute."  And he has figured out how to hold them gently, not around the neck, which is a big relief.  Despite how stressed I am, I can't imagine not wanting to do this again, and again, and again.  

Vulnerable...

Today we played hooky from violin-it was beautiful, and we ended up carting the kids along on all kinds of errands, and Elsa was kind of a mess, so I declared a skip day and we went to get ice cream and go to the playground.  I have been busy with my own agenda lately (and not feeling well) and feeling like kind of a slave to our rhythm, that we haven't made a lot of time for spontaneous fun.  I am so glad we did make time today.

But I had some personal struggles at the playground.  I have never been a huge worrier about the kids getting physically hurt.  My children have always seemed fairly hardy to me--once past that scary newborn phase, that is.  Also, they seem generally sensible, and don't tend to attempt things that they can't do on the playground without asking for assistance.  However, I do worry (fruitlessly and clearly, needlessly) about them emotionally.  At the playground, there were lots of children playing, and Elsa told me how excited she was to play with them.  And she is not shy, and she ran right out, and said, "Hi!"  But it didn't work out right away for her.  I sat down with my knitting, and tried not to watch too closely as she attempted to make her way in to several groups, without much initial success.  She sat back, and watched a little bit, and played with David. She asked me to help her on the monkey bars, and I did, and then helped David for a minute, and then I sat back down, determined to let her figure it out.  And she did--she managed to find a girl about her age, and they played happily until it was time for the little girl to go.  (I had decided we would stay a good long time and just let them have fun, as I used to do more but don't so much anymore.  I guess Daylight Savings is good for some things....)  Then she happily made her way into a family of little girls, and played for a while with them. 

It's just so hard.  I am honestly not terribly phased by their physical pain.  It is so easy to fix, to do something about-just my calm presence and empathy does so much.  But the inevitable sorrows that come with being human--occasional loneliness, hurt, fright, I won't be able to fix.  And while this particular incident wasn't full of pain and sorrows, it did remind me that my children will experience these feelings.  And while I know that they will be okay, I do feel sad and vulnerable about it.   And I may just have to back off and be present for them when they need me. 

But my babies, I am here...

The Best Weekend Ever

And I mean it!  This weekend we built our chicken coop.  When I say we, I do not mean Jesse and me.  Saturday morning, Jesse took off for a while to buy supplies.  You might think those supplies were tools and stuff, but no, it was beer.  We had a work party--neither Jesse nor I are super handy (he is way better than I), so we invited people over to help us build it, in return for beer and pizza.  My parents called it a Tom Sawyer kind of party, but we prefer to think of it as more of an old-fashioned Amish style barn(chicken coop) raising.  (Of course, I did not have to spend all of my time in the kitchen, preparing a huge feast for everyone, which might have been fun, but the pizza at our local pizza place is wicked good, and I really liked just hanging out.  I am pregnant after all.)  Anyway, it was so much fun. In my twenties, I would have been totally offended by the total separation of the sexes, but now, I am fine with it.  The guys worked with all kinds of tools (borrowed and brought as we have so little) while the women hung out, watched the kids and ate pizza.  The non-pregnant women drank beer. The guys ate pizza and drank beer too, all the while sawing and drilling and pounding.  And the kids just ran around our yard, which has many, many hand me down toys-tricycles, that toy car that all toddlers love, a toddler slide that my children still enjoy playing on while we basked in the sun.   The kids, dying to help, got to practice pounding nails in some scrap wood.  And now we have a beautiful chicken coop and even more (is that possible) affetion for our neighbors.

Here is where I should insert a picture of the completed chicken coop,  but I haven't downloaded it yet.  Soon.  Anyway, it was so much fun to have our friends over and for 14 pizzas and I am not too sure how many beers, we have ourselves a chicken coop.

Sorry, Amanda, I cut off your head.   I didn't do it on purpose.

Digging Out

This picture has nothing to do with this post, because I have been too sick to bother taking pictures, and anyway, if I did, they would just be of my children sitting with mouths agape in front of the computer, watching some show.  This picture is cool though, it is Jesse and our awesome neighbor Mike sawing wood for our chicken coop.  They are so cool.

I don't get sick much anymore.  I used to, but these days I am lucky enough to lead a busy, but low stress life, and it seems to agree with my constitution.  But, this week has been hellish for me.  I have been so sick--I have had no interest in doing anything (besides the basics of keeping my children physically safe and fed while they were in my exclusive care--I did make some efforts to farm Elsa out, and insist that David nap).  And they watched shocking amounts of PBS kids on the computer--Arthur, Dinosaur Train, Wordgirl, Caillou.  I am talking hours, which makes my heart hurt because I hate it so, but I don't know quite what else to do.  Elsa tearily begged me yesterday to DO something with her--a craft, or read to her, or something interactive, so we got out the shells and clay from our beach trip in October and made collages for like fifteen minutes, after which I was completely exhausted and suggested some Dinosaur Train.  And I am realizing that I have definitely made a somewhat problematic bed and am now having to lie in it-yesterday, I mentioned to Elsa that I might need to buy some bread, and she was totally horrified, insisting that no, we do NOT buy bread.  And I don't have a babysitter yet, and I am going to have to get one.  Also, the children seem totally dependent on me for bedtime.  For some reason, I am the bedtime point person.  When I am feeling good, I love to read aloud, and can do it for a looonngg time, however, with every word extremely painful, I cannot.  And so our bedtime routine has become lots of reading in my bed, then to theirs with lullabies and cuddles, and my staying in the room until they are asleep.   And Jesse, bless his heart (I love writing that expression--it seems so southern, although I can't seem to bring myself to use it when I am actually talking), has made a valiant effort to put them to bed, but they just end up wedged beside me, feet tucked into my bottom and thighs, luckily insensible to my hacking.  My frequent bedtime trips to the bathroom are always a problem, climbing out from between them, then having to move them aside so I can slide back between them since they migrate towards eachother in search of the mama heat.

Now I will add another picture at random, because I haven't put any in in a while, and my kids and husband are really, really cute.  Although not particularly in this picture...I am not really a photographer.

That sign says Happy Birthday Eemah--then it was decorated by David, making it pretty tough to read.  It was a project that my creative and organized sister-in-law arranged for Jesse's mom.  We were totally last minute with it, because that seems to be how I roll.   I don't quite understand how the hat Elsa is wearing has made yet another reappearance--she wore it when she was 6 months old and it was tucked safely away in the attic...

But, as evidenced by my actually writing here, I am beginning to feel better, and actually take an interest in things.  The first thing I need to work on is the kitchen, where every single surface is covered by dirty dishes...but I am dreaming about the garden.  My parents are coming  this weekend, and I am hoping that I can conscript them to help me get it ready to plant peas and greens and such.  Also, to take my children somewhere away from the house for a bit and let me sleep and recoup.  I do remember my mother saying, as Jesse and I packed up for the mountains here in NC that once I started having children, I would wish that we lived closer.  I pooh-poohed her--after all, she had raised us pretty far from her parents, but she was so right.  Of course, we love it here, but how great would it be to just be able to call my mom, or take the kids to her...it would be amazing, and it seems so silly that we try to do it alone.  So, Elsa and David  (and small millet grain-sized baby) remember this.  Stay close to your mama when you have children.  I will help you.  I will. 

This Weekend...

my husband was amazing.  Come to think of it, he was last weekend as well (sawing wood for our chicken coop).  Anyway, in between kids in crisis at his job and needing to buy a new car (he as pretty much decided on a 1999 Camry for very little money), he has basically taken the kids all weekend.  I am pretty much knocked out by the combination of cold/pregnancy misery, and as he left with the kids this afternoon, he told me, in all serious, not to do too much work but to rest (he has to, you know, earn a living this week, and will not be available to constantly take care of the kids/run errands for me).  That's what he told me, despite the dirty floor, sink full of dishes, and laundry pile so large...I can't really think of a funny metaphor right now, but it is wicked big.  I do appreciate it.

 It has been chilly and windy this weekend, at least compared with the week, where temperatures were in the 60's, and I have to admit that Jesse has been taking the kids to the mall.  And, I am proud to say, I was totally not snarky about it.  (Sometimes I am--okay, usually I am.)  If Jesse wants to take the kids to the mall to run around and read books in the bookstore and whatever else, I am willing to say thank you and better him than me.  Really, he couldn't be more patient with me.  And the kids love it.  And then they come home, deperate for mama, which is sweet too, as I am desperate for them after a bit.

I am happily realizing that at this point Elsa really can help me with housework.  This morning, I asked her to sweep the living room, and she totally did it, then, inspired by the cleaning, went in to totally clean up her room.  Of course, David was totally flummoxed and did not want to help, instead, messing up her pile several times because he wanted her to play with him, leading to some rage and tears, and my not handling it as gracefully as I should have.   I have not had to think so much about activities for the three year old this time around, as usually Elsa takes care of that for me.  It has been hard finding playmates for David, because really, who can compete with this amazingly patient and creative five year old sister of his.  She is way too much fun, but sometimes, she does need a break, and this mama is a little rusty in trying to help him get started in productive activity.

But then he and I made bread, which had to include an egg because that is what he was excited about.  Let's crack an egg!  It should turn out well--I think I got all the little eggshell bits out.  It reminds me why we buy eggs from our friend Lori--the eggshells are much less crumbly in good free-range hens's eggs.    And I made some stock and some awesome ginger root tea which is so spicy it makes me hiccup and I am hoping will knock this nasty chest stuff out of me. (You chop up a thumb sized chunk of ginger and boil it with two cups of water until half of it boils off, then add a ton of honey and lemon.  It works pretty great, usually.)  Also, while I was making the stock, David came into the kitchen.  "Sumpling smells good!" he said (love the sumpling...love, love, love it).  "I am making stock."  "I hate stock," he shouted.  "But it smells good."  Sometimes he likes it, sometimes he doesn't.  He is such a funny, fierce determined little man.   All of that after I finally had cleaned up the kitchen, which had been not so great these past few days, although not as bad as it could have been, seeing that I haven't been up to cooking.  But still, it always seems to be like that--as soon as it is cleaned up it is messy again.  I keep reading about it other places, but it is so true.  This is part of what being at home is like.  And then I was prostrated tired, and had to lie down.  Soon I will attack the pile of laundry...maybe I will try to knit a little or even go outside and gaze at my garden.  (There is nothing in it--it is just comforting for me to look at it.)  Anyway, really what I want to say is thank you Jesse, it is incredibly helpful, and when I am feeling better (possibly in about two years) I will make it up to you.

This new pregnancy

I am excited and grateful and hopeful about this new pregnancy.  I want (and have wanted) this last baby so badly.  And this fall, I added a lot of space to the garden.  I am so excited to have a big garden, and get chicks really soon, and plant raspberry bushes.  But right now I feel awful and exhausted.   Today I was thinking I could go ahead and start getting the spring bed ready for peas and greens and maybe potatoes, but I stayed in my pajamas all day, and literally have not gone outside (it's kind of cold), while my darling husband not only took the kids but also did several errands for me to the health food store for ginger ale and B complex vitamins(those actually did the trick.)  He is taking them out to dinner now.  I don't feel like eating.  And my good friend Vicky took Elsa for a long while for a play date while David napped, so Jesse could spend a little time trying to buy a new car.  Our 2000 Camry was stolen out of our driveway a while back.

As Elsa and David have gotten bigger, I have had more space in my life for other interests.  When I was pregnant with David, I started a teeny tiny garden where I grew maybe three tomato plants, and eggplant, a summer squash and some lettuce.  It was some kind of nesting instinct.  An now I have a much bigger garden (which I love), and a boxful of seeds, and  a lot of hope that I will feel better soon and that I will get my garden planted.  And I hope that I can let go a little, and let my parents and husband help me.  And I also hope that I can let go, and be okay with everything not working out as I planned, and enjoy this last pregnancy.  But right now I feel sick...and a lot of things are going to have to go.